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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28972869">I Wish</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranbooisms/pseuds/ranbooisms'>ranbooisms</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Dream Team SMP Setting (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Mentioned Toby Smith | Tubbo, Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), No Romance, Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Sad, Sad Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), i just want a hug and so does ranboo, im not having a good night, not completely but a little, not really mentioned bc they're there, ranboo isnt an enderman, tommy and tubbo can help, vent fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:54:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28972869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranbooisms/pseuds/ranbooisms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing looks right, nothing fits right, I wish it was different.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>240</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Wish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Afab Trans Ranboo because I'm sad and therefore will be projecting</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ranboo was having a rough night.</p><p>It was hard being trans, it was even harder when his parents didn't know. He hated how he had to walk around with a big smile and pretty dress on. He was dying on the inside though, this wasn't him, he's known that for a while now.</p><p>"She's so pretty." "Can you call her for me?" "Rai! Come here please."</p><p>It hurt so much, more than he could ever imagine.</p><p>His existence was being denied at the hands of the same people who claimed to love him no matter what, they were liars. They never spoke a word of truth in their lives... if they really loved him he wouldn't fear his own life when thinking of coming out. If they loved him he wouldn't be plotting to run away the second he had a chance to. If they really loved him then why in the hell was he living like this, tears sat at the tips of his eyelashes, head resting on the floor as he bent over trying to stifle the sounds of him crying and rubbing harshly at his eyes trying to get the tears to stop.</p><p>How he wishes it was different.</p><p>He thought of his friends, Tommy and Tubbo, they new of his secret. They were one of the only ones. Sometimes he couldn't help but look over and wish he was them, living their carefree lives, he envied how they looked, their ability to run around on the beach tops off, or stretch up without a mass of flesh sitting on their chests. He was jealous, it made him feel bad but who could really blame him.</p><p>A soft knock on his door.</p><p>"Rai! Tommy and Tubbo are over to see you. They said you had a project together? Why didn't you tell me?"</p><p>Ranboo sniffled, a faint thought of 'That's not my name' in the back of his mind.</p><p>"Sorry mama, I completely forgot that it was today." He said. It was a good excuse, his mom knew how bad his memory was. "Just invite them up for me please, I need to set up my desk."</p><p>Tubbo and Tommy rushed up the stairs to Ranboo's room, excited to see their friend after a long week and a half (Tommy was failing school very horribly resulting in him being grounded, Tubbo had tried to find a way to get him out of the predicament but alas, it was far too late).</p><p>This "project" was the only reason why Tommy was allowed out of his house and he was going to take advantage of it, he really missed Ranboo, and so did Tubbo.</p><p>"Ranboo! How are you..." Tubbo trailed off.</p><p>Ranboo barely managed to get himself off the floor, he only had enough energy to throw on a really big hoodie and a pair of sweatpants but otherwise he still looked really bad, tired out and exhausted, tear tracks on his cheeks.</p><p>"Hi." He squeaked out, his voice was too high, it made him wince.</p><p>"Oh Ranboo... what's wrong?" Tommy said with a frown, approaching his friend.</p><p>"You guys wouldn't get it."</p><p>Tommy tried catching Ranboo's eyes with his own but his friend refused to look up, eye contact made Ranboo nervous and he didn't want to see any indication of Tommy or Tubbo judging him, or even pitying him.</p><p>"It's just that nothing is right, nothing ever feels right and I wish things were different. I don't look like a boy at all I... I feel like I'm faking it. No one will ever take me serious especially not when I look like this." He gestured tiredly at himself, "This isn't me and never was. I feel sick of myself, looking in the mirror and seeing someone who isn't me. And everything is so expensive, I can't afford top surgery. I can't afford anything. I'll just be seen as a girl for the rest of my life and that makes my heart sting. I can't live like this."</p><p>Ranboo didn't realize how much he was rambling, but when he stopped his cheeks lit up, he felt embarrassed. His friends wouldn't experience this, and as much as he would admit that he needed to rant things out, he knew that at the end of the day his problems would still be big and looming over him like a shadowy monster.</p><p>He didn't realize when he started crying, nor did he realize it when Tubbo and Tommy enveloped him in a hug, one running their hands through his hair and the other one smoothly rubbing his back.</p><p>He sighed, leaning forward and allowing his two best friends to care for him, the buzzing in his head too loud to make out whatever they had been whispering to him. Whatever it was, he was grateful.</p><p>Friends like these made him realize that not all days will be good days, but as long as he had Tommy and Tubbo to lean on, maybe bad days will be a little less bad.</p><p>Ranboo wishes that a lot of things about him would change, but he's glad that he doesn't have to wish for new friends. </p><p>"Thank you." He whispered, about 15 minutes later when he finally felt okay enough to speak.</p><p>"Thank you so much for being here."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*scratches head* at least I posted at a reasonable time, right</p></blockquote></div></div>
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